Well, last night after I worte in my post, A lot of emotion came flooding out of me, emotion ive been holding in for basically a month. and I strated crying, which is something I never really do nowadays, but I couldn't take it anymore. But the thing is, I don't even know.. what? I mean, why I was so upset? I mean I'm really really lucky.
I have friends, a good family, i'm doing good in school at the moment, I'm becoming myself more and more each day.. I just don't get it, but even though I have all this. Im not happy . I try really really hard,too smile too laugh, and i'm not saying its a struggle, because its not most of the time,its not. but then.. then seeing everyone around me, and seeing everything thats changed, so,so much in such a short time. it scares me, really scares me. I just don't know. I should be SO happy right now, but I guess whats stopping me is I know, that, I could be happier, if things hadn't happened the way they did.
So yeah, that was my eveining.
Then today, I woke up around 8.30 and I went into Street with some friends shopping and got some really cute shoes, and three books, and chocolate and we went in starbcuks and stuff.It was good. Meanwhile.. Meanwhile.. they, were swimming in the local pool, and they were having a really good time without me, and i was having a good time without them, and it just hit me, how much. it really. really had changed.
and it will never be the same again.theres no going back now.
I came home and read a bit of my new book, and watched Sex And The City, and it made me feel so happy all fo a sudden, because I'm going to get there, if it kills me, I will. Im going to move to New York.
And nothing is going to stop me.
Feel free to comment,
Mood Of Post: Mixed.
Final Thought: Determanation
